Thursday, 26 August 2010

Vampire obsession!

Twilight, Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Blood Ties, Moonlight OMG need I say more! I have gone from what I believe to be a relatively sain human being into a totally obsessed Vampire freak!

Love it all, can't get enough! See, on reflection this probably has something to do with my rubbish taste in men! The living, breathing variety have given me nothing but heartache so somewhere in my slightly scrambled, maybe not so level head a decision has been made that a no pulse, non breathing, blood sucking killer is obviousy the guy for me! :)

Bring in the white coats quick! lol

Well the romance of it all is wonderful and certainly unobtainable but why oh why do I always go for wrong guy? Note to self for future reference: does need a pulse! I am sure there are laws about that one!

Heyho, of I go to put another DVD on and submerged myself in a fantasy world my head desperately wants me to be in! be afraid lol be very afraid lol

Friday, 4 April 2008

Your teeth are like stars....they come out at night! The truth hurts lol

Your teeth are like stars....they come out at night,

I understand your confusion men, when you meet a girl in a bar, beautiful, slim, big chested, wide eyed and intelligent. You get her home and a transformation happens!!!

I think that it is partly to do with the amount of alcohol you consumed BEFORE you noticed her!

OR it could be the fact that once you got her home and you were swigging your 100% proof rum (kept by your mum for special occasions and xmax cakes) she was undoing what took her 4 and 1/2 hours to create before she left the house!

Firstly, out come the contact have told her that you go for personality not looks so as her eyes are hurting and she feels confident enough to put her 2 inch thick glasses on as she trusts you!

Secondly, you start to undress her.... OMG she must have been in a terrible accident! whats the body stocking for!! Its actually a beauty product designed to give curves in the right places and hide lumps! Not a NHS treatment for an acute disease! (Although be careful at this point as it maybe the remains of a straight jacket! checked for ripped seams and missing sleeves!)

Thirdly, what a lovely bra! watch out fellas...if this is a Wonderbra you are in for a shock as the bra hits the floor you will wonder where the boobs went!!!

Anyway you have bought this creature 4 pernod and blacks, shared your kebab, fought your way through the taxi queue and the 100% proof rum is kicking in so your gonna go for it anyway!

Well serves you right!!! you wake up several hours later, splitting headache and realise there is someone else in the bed! You peer over and think 'oh no! i didn't!' well oh yes you did and she is waking up!!

She opens her eyes, blinks several times (she cannot see!) smiles at you, THERE'S several teeth missing!!! OMG your in trouble now!! You look over and notice her top row of teeth floating in a glass of 100% proof rum on your bedside table.

Quick, gotta think quick.......ERM morning gorgeous, look I don't mean to be funny but I actually live with my mum and she will be up soon!..... she looks disappointed but YIPPEE she agrees to leave! only you have to persuade her to stuff glasses, teeth, body stocking and wonderbra into a carrier bag, best not to waste time a!!!

You tell her how special she is and OF COURSE you will phone her and as the door slams behind her you breath a HUGE sigh of relief and think you have got away with it and swear NEVER to drink again. But hey a few hours later the phone rings and you go out, into a bar.

You see a girl, beautiful, slim, big chested, wide eyed and intelligent........or is she????

Monday, 31 March 2008

A Guide for men on WOMEN!!!! LOL Must read!!!

Why don't men understand that when they say 'What's wrong?' and we say "nothing" we ACTUALLY mean, you snore, you leave the toilet seat up, your mother's driving me insane AND you going out for "A PINT" on a friday and returning sunday afternoon asking 'what's wrong?' is not the way to show you care! If one pint gets you in that much of a state and takes 48 hours to consume then its no wonder women have trouble parking cars as a pint must be at least the size of of a small tibetan community so an inch?? well let's not even go there lol

When you ask 'what do you want for your birthday?' and we say 'nothing' if you take this as the actual truth you are probably in for a night to remember consisting of deathly silences, evil glares and when we are angry and stressed out enough several pieces of smashed crockery and insults about you and every member of your family!!

And Why oh why oh why would smiles, long walks on the beach, holding hands and watching the sun go down before talking endlessly all night about our hopes and dreams turn into a desired night of promised romance consisting of a Premier football match, a four pack of beer and a number of the local curry house?

Are you starting to see where the problem lay??

I know your going to say we nag, we are to bossy, too demanding and turning into our mothers BUT getting up for work, falling over your dirty trainers, finding the toilet seat up, the toothpaste squeezed in the middle, the empty milk carton in the fridge and the car keys in your dirty jeans that just didnt quite make it to the laundry basket all before 7am is enough to drive the quietest most timid creature into a snarling, raging, PMT filled maniac that resembles the incredible hulk on a bad day and you open your eyes and say 'what's wrong?' Our reply??? "NOTHING!" lol

Saturday, 29 March 2008

Sleeps for wimps

Well can you believe I had had my first lie in for weeks and woken up sick!!:'( lol

I have a thumping headache, a throat that feels like the bottom of a parrot cage (yum lol), a sore leg!! how random is that! and a spot on my face the size of the grand canyon that happens to be so sore I reckon the core of it is in my ankle, hence the sore leg!!! lol

Normally I have about 4 hours kip wake up, dive out of bed, get ready and go to work where may I add there are 1560 screaming 11-16 year olds and life is great!

All in all proving my theory that sleep is for wimps and trying to relax just causing sickness!!! lol
Oh well several Ibruprofen and a bucket load of caffeine and I should be feeling my usual wired, happy self with the added luxury of several new ailments! roll on Monday! lol :DD

Friday, 28 March 2008

Men only do two things wrong. EVERYTHING they say and EVERYTHING they do!

Yep that's me! bitter and twisted and loving it :)
Im divorced (twice!) can ya tell! and have built an emotional wall that exceeds the Great Wall of China around myself.

My second husband cheated on me and I couldn't believe that another female would do that so now I assess the situation.....

Be a married man's bit on the side??? erm let me think.......
1. I don't have to listen to him moan on and on.
2. No dirty clothes thrown casually EVERYWHERE!
3. No washing of dirty socks.
4. No having to listen to his mother and pretending you care.
5. The TV remote....all mine!!!!!!
6. Doing what I want, when I want, with whom I want and he can't say squat!!!
7. Sex when you fancy it, the pressies, the dinners out, none of the crap!!!

God this women is a genius!

Well now I have had a chance to think about it wow she has impressed me.... ONLY I divorced him and now she has him full time........or does she???