Your teeth are like stars....they come out at night! The truth hurts lol

Your teeth are like stars....they come out at night,

I understand your confusion men, when you meet a girl in a bar, beautiful, slim, big chested, wide eyed and intelligent. You get her home and a transformation happens!!!

I think that it is partly to do with the amount of alcohol you consumed BEFORE you noticed her!

OR it could be the fact that once you got her home and you were swigging your 100% proof rum (kept by your mum for special occasions and xmax cakes) she was undoing what took her 4 and 1/2 hours to create before she left the house!

Firstly, out come the contact lenses....you have told her that you go for personality not looks so as her eyes are hurting and she feels confident enough to put her 2 inch thick glasses on as she trusts you!

Secondly, you start to undress her.... OMG she must have been in a terrible accident! whats the body stocking for!! Its actually a beauty product designed to give curves in the right places and hide lumps! Not a NHS treatment for an acute disease! (Although be careful at this point as it maybe the remains of a straight jacket! checked for ripped seams and missing sleeves!)

Thirdly, what a lovely bra! watch out fellas...if this is a Wonderbra you are in for a shock as the bra hits the floor you will wonder where the boobs went!!!

Anyway you have bought this creature 4 pernod and blacks, shared your kebab, fought your way through the taxi queue and the 100% proof rum is kicking in so your gonna go for it anyway!

Well serves you right!!! you wake up several hours later, splitting headache and realise there is someone else in the bed! You peer over and think 'oh no! i didn't!' well oh yes you did and she is waking up!!

She opens her eyes, blinks several times (she cannot see!) smiles at you, THERE'S several teeth missing!!! OMG your in trouble now!! You look over and notice her top row of teeth floating in a glass of 100% proof rum on your bedside table.

Quick, gotta think quick.......ERM morning gorgeous, look I don't mean to be funny but I actually live with my mum and she will be up soon!..... she looks disappointed but YIPPEE she agrees to leave! only you have to persuade her to stuff glasses, teeth, body stocking and wonderbra into a carrier bag, best not to waste time a!!!

You tell her how special she is and OF COURSE you will phone her and as the door slams behind her you breath a HUGE sigh of relief and think you have got away with it and swear NEVER to drink again. But hey a few hours later the phone rings and you go out, into a bar.

You see a girl, beautiful, slim, big chested, wide eyed and intelligent........or is she????